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News-> Ancient Cuneiform Tablet Found and Translated During Recent Archeological Dig of Iraqi Bomb Site #4074

                                                          Babylonian-Times News-Tablet

4074BC  published once a lunar-yearon 100% recycled, oven baked clay tablets.

GilgameshScribe for his hugeness Nebechadzer of the Holy-Royal-Hanging-Gardens

  Hammurabi’s Code:#1. “Remember6  is still always your lucky number”.

  Editors Note: 4074 BCWell here we are again with the latest news from here and around the Babylonian Empire. We hope to be stepping up production this lunar-flooding-cycle, to publishing twice a year by implementation of the latest technology for making “wedgies” that are used in pressing these cuneiform shaped impressions into the clay tablet you are reading, and by the koolness of our great leader by invading a neighboring country and bringing back several thousand semi-literate slaves. As always your comments are appreciated as long as they cuneiform to current doctrine.

  Dateline ‘UR’4074 BC Rabble-rouser Abraham and his wife Sara were exiled into the desert today on a: leave-if-you-know-what’s-good-for-you Hammurabi’s Code HC33 Notice. Onlookers were shocked as armed soldiers evicted the pair into the street along with some of their meager belongings and then set fire to their dwelling and livestock. “I never suspected,” said Omar, the-Old-Goat-man, one of their neighbors, “I’ve lived next-door to them for over a year and always thought they were just religious freaks”. 

  Dateline ‘Tyre’ 4074 BC More violence erupted today as warring religious factions took to the streets and embroiled themselves in carnage, leaving almost all public functions either closed or abandon. Elite Royal Guards were sent into to the area and, in a precision strike campaign, immediately dispatched everyone in the village and the surrounding countryside, regardless of conviction, plowed salt into the fields and, finally set fire to anything that remained standing. Surviving spokesmen for the town said in his subsequent trial and execution that they were really sorry for all the misunderstanding.   

  Dateline ‘The Desert’4074 BC Talking to a soldier we found camped at and oasis recently we asked him to give us his perspective on the various warfare’s and hostilities ongoing in the new empire today, here’s his candid comments. “Well I’ve never lived in a time when there wasn’t war you know, I mean I am a child of the 'Bronze Age' so I’m kind of use to it, sort of, take it for granted kind’a way of life, even a religious thing, understand”. “As for the empire, oh well, there is a lot happening, plenty-o-work, if you take my meaning. I mean if it isn’t the Hittites, it’s the Egyptians or, some other forsaken-cult-tribe I’ve never heard of before trying to invade Babylon”. “I mean even the streets of downtown Babylon aren’t safe anymore without some fools running around trying to cut your head off in broad daylight, so sad isn’t it, well maybe things will get better in the future, who knows but, right now I have to get back to work escorting that rabble-rouser over there, Abraham and his wife Sara, out into the desert to die, see you around, sometime”.

Tigress & Euphrates Weather: Flooding predicted.

Road Conditions Empire Wide: Including all Warring-Tribe and Bandit Closures.

Classified Ads: Looking for a New or Previously Owned Chariot, Some Extra Household Slaves, or just need a Mercenary.

Farm Report: Local Horoscope Forecasting and River-Silting Sacrifices.

New Books: The meaning of “Circles” and, “The Possibility of the Existence of More Digits”

Calendar of Events: Sacrifices in Your Area.

Home Improvement: Old Mud – New Tricks !

Stock Market Report: Do we need, more fowl ?

Astrologers Insight: Outsourcing-Stars.

Comic Section: Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad Sheep Jokes.